I had about 20 mild fibro days in a row after starting my corset experiment and allowed myself to believe yet again that I'd found a silver bullet. Then my period came. Periods are the very worst for me, my doctor says it's the hormonal component of fibro and that while I'm in perimenopause it will likely be difficult. We addressed it for years with 3 month at a time birth control pills untill I experienced thinning of the endometrium and began to have constant bleeding. Going from four periods a year to these periods coming in now every 23 days in perimenopause has been a struggle to say the least.
Last week, In the very middle of my period when I was down and focused on that I was yet again unable to do the simplest things, brush my hair, brush my teeth, etc.. I still managed to put on my corset everyday. Some days with help, but I felt relief from menstrual cramps wearing it so I was motivated. One day I looked in the mirror and thought how lovely my emerald green corset was, and I rubbed my hand down it's side and thought this is mine and it's beautiful. I realized in that moment in the midst of torment, I felt beautiful even with matted hair and no make up. In some small way psychologically the pain wasn't winning. As long as I can get up in the morning and put my corset on, I'm winning. I'm enveloping myself in beauty and nothing can take that away from me.
I've never been one to have really pretty undergarments. For one thing DD bras tend to have big ugly straps and bands and I was raised to be frugal (cheap). But I did have a love of fashion. As a teen I combined thrift store clothing with my own designs with the help of my amazing seamstress mother and during that time I felt so confident and happy about my clothes and my body. It was a time of freedom that was soon lost to corporate dress codes.
Now I realize that for the first time in a long time, I'm not living under anyone's dress code. It took a green corset bad hair day to realize I can wear anything I want. I'm thinking tutu's would look amazing with my corsets and who the heck cares if people at the grocery store stare extra long at the 47 year old dressed like Tinkerbell with ugly shoes. My disease took my life away in so many ways. I miss the corporate world, the approval of my bosses, my paychecks, I miss all day hikes and bike rides... but I realize what I have left is the most important stuff. The love of family and friends and my attitude. It may falter on bad days but now I can touch my corset and remind myself there is still beauty in this world, I'm enveloped in beauty if I just look up from my pain and notice.